My other half and I have never been particularly romantic. I am the first to admit I don’t often make much effort for him, the mum apparel of mum bun, PJs, comfy knickers (you know the ones, cover your bum, with probably some sort of character or plain but slightly faded colouring from being worn so much) and very little/smudged makeup, is the best he gets when he returns from work. You can imagine what a lucky man he is!
Valentines has never been a ‘thing’ for us, we both see it as a commercialised thing that people feel they should do. I’m love the thought of people showing one another how much they love each other and all the smushy, mushy things that make anyone else feel a little bit sick. But I have never seen the point on doing it on one day that you are told to do it. I always felt there is less effort behind a valentines gift or flowers compared to on a random day. Except he never did this on any other day of the year either. It’s fair to say we have a serious lack of romance in our relationship. We love each other and I’m sure we show it in ways we don’t even realise means so much to the other for example, he makes me tea even though he doesn’t drink hot drinks and he brings me a glass of water to bed every night, I always forget, I rarely drink it but the nights he isn’t here and I have forgotten to get one are the nights my mouth turns to the Sahara desert; to me although these are such a small things, I know he loves me by doing them.
This Valentines was anticipated to be like any other, little effort, maybe a card each- mine usually hand made and saying something not so romantic, last years being, ‘life with you is marginally better than being alone’- we do it just because you’re supposed to and then job done. Except this year, I forgot to get a card (well less forgot, more didn’t put the effort in), so come the 14th I felt bad. I wasn’t seeing him till the evening so last minute I thought I will make an effort with the things I already had to compensate. With small ones help we made a chocolate cake (his favourite), naturally we decorated it with a big white chocolate heart. This still felt like it wasn’t enough, I often bake, this wouldn’t be anything overly special. I decided to do something I don’t often do for him (no not that), I put on some make-up, did my hair and put on a nice dress – after I had shaken off the dust from it being hung in the wardrobe so long.
When he arrived home, I got the nicest surprise! He made an effort with beautiful flowers he had chosen himself (possibly for the first time ever), some chocolates, a card and a stuffed hedgehog (sounds odd but means something to us). Not only had he made an effort with me but with small one too, she had her own bunch of flowers, packet of milky buttons and her ‘favourite balloon’. The smile on her little face, she was so chuffed, even today she is telling me they are ‘my flowers from my daddy’. The man has done good. I’m sure to others these seem like such small and simple things but for us these more typical gestures of love are few and far between. I am all about the little things, anyone can spend money without much thought and consideration, the fact he had been and chosen them, then taken the effort to carry both bunches etc. on his long commute home from work meant so much more than something that cost a lot of money.
With the small one in bed, I served dinner (nothing special) as usual but instead of plonking ourselves in front of the nothingness on the TV, we sat at the table; candles lit, music playing and most importantly, phones away. It’s so easy in a world that is so connected to become disconnected from those around you. It really opened my eyes to how important it is to make an effort and time for us, to be adults and discuss life in general. Since becoming parents we definitely have not taken enough time for each other. In the two years A. has been alive – besides the fact we rekindled our relationship – those extras, those things that every girl craves and that every relationship needs have been left to go astray somewhat. Before this Valentines I thought it took a child free night away or having to find a baby sitter and head out somewhere nice to enable us to keep the romance alive. I’m not sure if it was a change in attitude on both parts or what, but the spark was very much alive, I realised how much he meant to me and how much I need to put more emphasis on myself to look and feel good in myself, which in turn makes me want to look nice for him (despite him saying he doesn’t care), stop nagging him and give him my undivided attention (at the end of the day a messy house or what people are saying at that moment on social media don’t matter) and above all show him I appreciated the little things he does. Despite his many faults (and my own million faults too) he is my man and we have come so far. Through the simplest of changes we had one of the most romantic evenings, with-out even leaving the house. It put things into perspective, I am a massive fan of the little things, but apparently the little things I anticipated aren’t the little things at all. The little things I hadn’t particularly noticed are the things that mean so much.